Writerly Wackiness

The good news: After months of my writing process being a painful slog, I've finally recaptured that feeling where I hate not having more time to write, where I'm pissed when my train reaches its stop in the morning because the words are coming and I want to keep writing.

The bad news: I hate not having more time to write.

I'm hoping I can finish draft 1.5 of my current short story this weekend.  I call it draft 1.5 because I got stuck partway through the crappy first draft and went back to the beginning to start editing and see if I could figure out where I went wrong.  And that brings us to the planning vs. pantsing issue.

I used an outline for writing the first draft of my novel (though one writer's idea of an outline doesn't necessarily match another's), but for short stories, the write-the-first-draft-by-the-seat-of-your-pants approach works better for me.  When I was at Odyssey, I tried outlining a short story first to see if it worked any better.  It didn't.  In fact, I ended up with lots of unnecessary scenes and a story that was almost twice as long as it needed to be.

I recently realized that, for me, my short story writing isn't all that dissimilar from how I learned to approach singing.  During my voice lessons, we'd pick songs apart to the smallest detail.  Notes, rhythms, phrasing, dynamics, tempo, breathing, interpretation--there's a hell of a lot that goes into just one song.  But my college voice teacher always reminded me that, when it came time for performance, you couldn't think about all those things on the same analytical level you did during practice; you just had to sing and hope it all clicked.

So that's sort of how I've come to view writing short stories now, except the process is reversed.  The revision and critiquing stage is when the thing gets picked apart.  The first draft is when I just write and hope that all of my previous practice clicks.

And as with performing a song, if I make a mistake in the first draft, the best thing is to just keep going.  But every so often in performance, I've seen even professional singers get off on such a wrong foot that they have to stop, apologize to the audience, and start the song over.  That's what happened with this current story.  Luckily for me, writers generally don't have to start over in front of an audience.

Partway through this current WIP, I became stuck and felt like I was flailing blindly.  It was not a pleasant feeling, and the more I tried to plow forward, the worse it got.  So I started over.  The first thing I realized was that what I had written, even when slogging, wasn't as terrible as I thought.  Better yet, I figured out why I was stuck.  Yesterday I reached the point in the story where I had given up and started over, but this time, things clicked and I know how to move forward with the rest.  This time, I'll get through the whole song without apologizing and starting over.

While thinking about this process, I also realized that planning doesn't necessarily keep you (or at least me) from having to start over.  I ran into the same problem with the first draft of my novel a few years back.  Even though I had an outline, I got stuck around chapter 2 or 3.  I kept trying to move forward, but it was rather like bashing my head against a wall, and that is not fun.  So I went back to the beginning, started revising, and voila!  I figured out what wasn't working and was able to plow straight through the rest of the novel.

So, the lesson learned for my writerly self: plan or no plan, sometimes you're better off apologizing to the audience and starting over.  If the final product's good enough, no one will care that you screwed up the first time.

Reading
Through chapters 15-18 in Bitterwood.  Also finished the audio book of The Road, which didn't end as bleakly as I thought it would.  I give it a thumbs up overall.

Exercise
It's looking like I'm going to slack today, but I'll make up for it tomorrow.  Otherwise, I've been keeping to the routine.

Music
Keeping on top of my piano lessons and practicing.  Monday was the last regular rehearsal of the season for the chorus I sing with.  We have a dress rehearsal tonight and a concert Sunday, and then it's only church choir and some solo stuff on my plate through June.  I'm kind of dreading tonight's rehearsal.  We've done the concert once already and have had two regular rehearsals since then to brush up on the music, but I have the feeling that we're still going to go through everything in its entirety and then some instead of just doing what's necessary to adjust to a different space and acoustics.  I wish we had spent more time on Carmina Burana (particularly the diction--I tend to pick that stuff up pretty easily, but I'm hearing a lot of mush around me), but the other pieces on the program (especially our chamber choir pieces) have been beaten to death, and then backed over with a truck for good measure.  Rehearsing is important, but there comes a point of diminishing returns.

Writing
I've been hit or miss with the writing this week.  Some days I've been super productive girl.  Other days, like today, a little tinkering is about all I seem capable of accomplishing. On the plus side, I finished rewriting chapter 4 of My Big Fat Epic Fantasy Novel.  On the downside, that's only because I'm splitting what was originally one long chapter into two smaller ones.  Either way, I'm about 11,400 into the rewrite.

This week has been strong with the bat-shit crazy side of the Force, making that whole productivity thing a challenge. Some of the things keeping me busy were good things (Easter with the in-laws, seeing a production of Edward Albee's At Home at the Zoo, a reception where my dad got a firefighter-of-the-year award from the local VFW).  But other things...well, I think my brain exploded a few times.

Now onto what I actually managed to accomplish amid the crazy:

Reading: I'm partway through chapter 10 in Bitterwood.  As for Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, I gave up. I reached my library renewal limit on it and was just going to copy the remaining discs onto my computer last night, but then I realized that I still had 12 discs left. It's an entertaining book, but it's not that entertaining. So I took that long-winded puppy back to the library today and checked out the audio version of Cormac McCarthy's The Road.  Only six discs total.  Ah, blessed brevity.

Exercise: Fell off the wagon Tuesday and Wednesday thanks to the crazy, but stuck to it the rest of the week.

Music: The usual rehearsal schedule, but fitting in practice time on the piano proved tough. I was all stressed out at my Wednesday lesson as a result, which didn't help.

Writing Business: Bored with the rejections-a-plenty/several-months-long-dry-spell-when-it-comes-to-sales combo now. I'm feeling particularly disheartened with one story. It's a flash story I wrote a while back, and while not brilliant, I think it's a good little piece. When I first wrote it, a fellow writerly type thought very highly of it and said, "If Strange Horizons doesn't take this, I don't know what they'll take."  Well, they didn't take it, and neither have the 27 other markets I've sent it to. I've never had a story get shot down that many times, and it's depressing, especially since it came close at a few places, which gives me confidence that the story doesn't suck. Unfortunately, I'm almost out of decent markets for it.

Writing: I spent much of last weekend figuring out what I needed to move, add, axe, and rewrite in chapter 4 of My Big Fat Epic Fantasy Novel, which was fun and exciting and I couldn't wait to start writing.  Then, Sunday night, I sat down to write, and nothing. I spent an insane amount of time rewriting the opening sentence. I didn't get back to the chapter again until Wednesday, when I finally managed to push past that block. But because I had so little time for writing this week, I'm only about 500 words into the chapter. Blah.

On that note, it's onto the weekend for me.  I'm going to get in some more work on the novel tonight.  Tomorrow AsYouKnowBob and I will be driving down to Washington DC--the chorus we're in is singing at the National Gallery, and afterward we'll be making a Maryland pit stop to have dinner with some of my friends from college. Sunday will be singing at church in the morning, writing group in the afternoon. And if I'm not too exhausted, I might squeeze in some more writing before Monday rears its ugly head.

Slowly but surely, the productivity groove is being re-established. I feel like I have a much better grip on the new job now, and today I got my first grant proposal for them out the door, so yay. Another week or two, and life may start feeling normal again.

I had a fun weekend that went by way too quickly: wine tastings Saturday afternoon, a fun dinner with shvetufae and our significant other-types Saturday evening, and an afternoon of wackiness with my writing group in Philly on Sunday. And on either side of all that, there was productivity.  So on that note, here's the productivity report since Friday:

Reading: I've read and enjoyed the first three stories in Prime Codex: "To the East, a Bright Star" by James Maxey, "Ticktock Girl" by Cat Rambo, and "The Man With Great Despair Behind His Eyes" by Ken Scholes.

Exercise: Got in 20 minutes on the elliptical strider on Friday, but had to take yesterday and today off due to injury. Coming home from my writing group meeting on Sunday, I slipped in the train station and banged my left knee on the floor. There's a big honking bruise there now, but otherwise it's ok--luckily, I hit just below the kneecap.  I think I can safely resume exercising tomorrow.

Music: Lots of piano playing and singing. We were short altos for the second week in a row in my church choir, so I got to be a switch hitter, which has led to everyone dubbing me a sopralto.

Writing-Related Stuff: I had to crit two stories for Sunday's writing group meeting, and I was quite relieved to be free of critique dread for the first time in a long time.  Woo hoo! In the submissions department, two stories have come home.  One went right back out the door, but the other one is torn about whose slush pile it wants to visit next.  I'll give it a few days, but any longer than that and it's gonna have to start paying rent if it wants to stay on my hard drive.

Writing: A little over 500 words (maybe more) on the zombie story.  Not phenomenal progress, but I think I'm finally getting a better sense of what this story wants to be, which might help me get through the rest of the first draft faster now that I won't be groping my way around in the dark anymore.

This little experiment in posting my progress to keep myself on track has been going pretty well.  My brain really wanted to slack off earlier today, especially when I looked out the window and saw snow, but as soon as I threatened it with public shame on the internet, it stopped whining and got to work.

Reading: Two more chapters of Musicophilia. The first one dealt with stereophonic hearing and wasn't as interesting as the rest of the book has been, but the chapter after it about musical savants was a lot more engaging.

Exercising: 30 minutes of yoga

Music Stuff: Practiced some piano, then had to go audition my song for this Solo Artists Showcase thing.  I didn't think there would be any issues with my song choice, and there wasn't, so I'm glad to have that out of the way.  And I was entertained by the director's comment to someone about it afterwards: "If she could sing it in spite of my playing, then she must really know it."

Writing: Some more work on chapter 2.  My progress is still dreadfully slow, but it seems to be picking up a little more steam each day.  Another week or so, and maybe I'll have worked up to a non-embarrassing writing pace.

My goal for 2009: avoid 2008's slackery and slug-like tendencies, which were no doubt aided by my unemployed bum status.

To help achieve this, I decided to establish a schedule, which I have been sorely lacking until now. A flexible schedule, granted, as occasional things like doctor appointments or theater tickets usually require shifting the routine around. My weekends tend to be all over the place, so I'm not even going to try to impose any order on them. But for weekdays, I have my "things that need to be done before I can call it a day" list: read, take care of any writing business (submissions, queries, etc.), write, run any necessary errands, exercise, and practice singing and/or piano (unless it's a rehearsal night). Once I've checked off everything on the list, any time remaining before bed is mine to do with as I please.

In the past, I've found it way too easy to violate my attempts at maintaining routines like this, and I think it's been an issue of accountability. When I working at any of my past jobs, for example, I had an employer to answer to and was therefore quite diligent about doing what needed to be done when it needed to be done.  Now, not so much.  So I'm going to experiment with posting progress updates here to see if helps keep my ass productive, the theory being that if I tell you all I'm going to do it, then I'd better damn well do it.

Today (or technically yesterday at this point) was the schedule's official start day.  Despite trouble with the getting-out-of-bed portion of my day, I am happy to report that I completed the "things that need to be done before I can call it a day" list:

Reading: Finally got around to finishing issue 7 of Doorways

Writing Business: Will be complete as of my posting of the following plug: if so moved, you can throw some vote love my way in the Preditors & Editors Readers' Poll.  "To Someone Who Needs Prayer" (Hub, issue 61) is in the Horror Short Story category, and "Lucky Clover" (Flash Fiction Online, March 2008) is in the Science Fiction & Fantasy Short Story category.

Errands: After a productive weekend full of cleaning and re-organizing, I dropped off some stuff at Goodwill

Writing: I rewrote my "poorly researched" (she says sarcastically) zombie bunny flash story, "Mr. Fluffy."  The original was 400 words. The rewrite is now complete at 1,000 words.

Exercise: 30 minutes on the elliptical strider

Music Stuff: Spent about 20-30 minutes on some vocal technique and a song I'm thinking about doing for the annual Solo Artists Showcase held by a chorus I sing with

All of that, and I still had enough time to goof off and watch a movie with AsYouKnowBob.  Now I just need to do it all again tomorrow, rinse, repeat.

My short story "The Poet" (The Sword Review, issue 27) got some positive comments on Tangent Online.  My brain was being very uncooperative on the writing front yesterday (in a display of ridiculousness, I spent nearly an hour on one damn sentence), so the review was nice to see at the end of the day.

And despite totally butchering the sight-reading portion of my chorus audition the other night, they took me onboard.  The hubby and I were even invited to join their smaller chamber choir if we so choose.  But the chamber choir means an extra hour of rehearsal each week.  I need to decide how valuable that extra hour on Monday is.